Chapter 06: “The Money-Grubbing Witch’s Income and Expenditure Report‚ and the Curse That Won’t Disappear” ①
――I was alive‚ and I had returned to the surface.
The first moment I objectively registered that survival as fact was when my retinas caught a single sheet of aged parchment that had fallen onto the marble floor‚ swaying strangely slowly as it was pushed by the air currents.
Royal Magic University‚ Third Research Building‚ Professor Ellright’s underground laboratory. Enormous ebony bookshelves lining every wall‚ heavy with the knowledge of countless ages. Scattered carelessly across the floor and shelves‚ magical devices so expensive they could rank among national budget items. And on my mentor’s desk‚ an empty glass bottle of stomach medicine rolling hollowly.
Everything was the familiar scenery I knew so well.
“……I’ve returned‚ Professor Ellright.”
The instant I quietly murmured those words. At the center of the laboratory‚ the violently exploding spacetime causality that had been warping the space finally closed completely. The last pale-blue particles of light left floating in the void drifted down to the floor like lingering snowflakes and vanished one by one.
Silence.
In that heavy stillness‚ Professor Ellright said not a single word‚ merely surveying our utterly wretched state with quiet eyes.
Me. Toto. Kamekichi. Charlotte. And her two attendants. Furthermore‚ the three female adventurers we had rescued at the last second from the abyss of the labyrinth.
Every single one of us‚ elites gathered at the capital’s highest institution of learning‚ failed to maintain anything resembling a proper appearance.
I was completely naked without a single thread (※physically speaking‚ I was wearing a highest-grade silk dress). Charlotte and the others had only a single scrap of ragged cloth reeking intensely of dried squid oil wrapped around their bodies as a token gesture. The rescued adventurers had their equipment torn to shreds and were clearly covered in wounds from head to toe.
On my shoulder‚ Toto raised his short front paws with the cheerful expression of someone returning from a tropical vacation‚ while at my feet Kamekichi puffed out his flat chest proudly even though he hadn’t accomplished a single thing.
“……”
After the professor forced the last of the plain hot water meant to protect his fragile stomach down his throat‚ his sharp gaze slowly shifted to the three injured adventurers.
That was the moment. From the professor’s expression‚ all the usual chronic fatigue‚ anger‚ or exasperation—those worldly emotions—vanished in an instant.
“……Bring that one over here at once.”
It was an extremely low‚ cold voice.
I blinked once‚ my eyelashes fluttering. The professor was the highest authority on modern magical theory and the very person who had assembled this peculiar ring of mine. Normally‚ whenever I caused some spacetime coordinate bug‚ he would clutch his stomach and launch into a lengthy lecture. But right now‚ he wore the face not of a teacher‚ but of a single cold‚ high-ranking magician.
“The critically injured female cleric over there.”
The professor’s sharp eyes accurately locked onto the woman who had collapsed onto the cold floor. Her clothes had been mercilessly torn by a goblin’s crude blade‚ and a tremendous amount of fresh blood was pouring from the wounds. Her breathing was shallow and irregular. Her complexion was already fatally pale.
“……Dangerous blood loss. Her resources are nearly depleted.”
The professor reached without hesitation for the communication magical device placed beside his desk.
“Calling the medical team.”
A short password operation. The blue crystal light of the magical device began flashing violently as an emergency call sign.
“This is the Third Research Building. Immediate highest-level transport request. Three female adventurers injured in the deep layers of the labyrinth have teleported back to these coordinates—”
At that point‚ deep wrinkles formed between the professor’s white eyebrows.
“……One of them is critically injured and on the verge of mental collapse. Consciousness is faint‚ remaining blood volume is extremely low. Urgently apply primary hemostasis via magic.”
From the other side of the magical communication‚ some urgent reply seemed to come. My mentor’s stern expression clouded just a little.
“……Understood. Please hurry‚ every second counts.”
He cut the communication‚ and I quietly watched his profile.
“What’s the status of the medical team?”
“They say they’re heading this way immediately.”
“Then‚ from a probabilistic standpoint‚ there’s no problem.”
“……No‚ I wouldn’t go that far.”
The professor stared sternly at the woman in the pool of blood.
“Apparently a magical accident has occurred in the Central First Building‚ so it will take a little time for them to arrive here.”
“……!”
At those words. Charlotte‚ wrapped in the squid-reeking rags‚ slowly yet firmly raised her face.
Until moments ago‚ the extreme fatigue from teleporting out of the abyss and the fatal shame as a young lady had made it difficult for her even to stand upright. Yet in those amber eyes gazing at the fallen cleric‚ every trace of hesitation had already vanished.
“Professor Ellright.”
“What is it‚ young lady?”
“Is there no medicine here that can instantly restore magical power so I may apply emergency primary hemostasis magic to this person?”
The living legend’s eyes widened slightly.
“A magic recovery potion (ether)‚ you say?”
“Yes‚ exactly.”
Charlotte stood up‚ tightly clenching her slender white fists in front of her chest over the rags.
“Before the specialized medical team arrives‚ there is a risk that this person’s remaining life parameters will deteriorate fatally.”
Her voice was quiet but carried definite resolve.
“It should not be a blow that causes instantaneous death. However‚ the wounds are far too deep. If we do not overwrite them with the minimum recovery magic right now‚ there is a danger that it will be too late by the time the specialists arrive.”
“……I see. As a progression of the situation‚ that has some merit.”
The professor crossed his arms in his white coat. And then.
“——There is.”
He muttered shortly and strode with his long legs toward the heavily secured magical storage vault in the deepest part of the laboratory.
“However.”
“?”
“It is not the mass-produced commercial product circulating in the adventurers’ guilds of the streets.”
What the professor pulled out from the depths of the ebony shelves was a small transparent glass bottle that fit in the palm of his hand. Inside‚ a pale-blue liquid swayed unnervingly and somewhat sinisterly.
“This is a special high-purity experimental drug I am compounding for research aimed at securing next term’s budget.”
He lightly held the bottle of medicine up to the laboratory light as if examining it.
“The cellular regenerative effects of the magic and its safety on living organisms have been fully confirmed in my multidimensional simulations. There are no bugs.”
“Then all the more‚ there is no problem at all.”
“No.”
The professor hesitated slightly‚ averting his gaze downward at an angle.
“However‚ you see……”
“Then I can drink it right away.”
“Wait!”
The professor hurriedly raised his free hand.
“The problem is not the mechanism of the drug’s efficacy or the survival rate.”
“?”
“——It’s the taste.”
“The taste……?”
Charlotte tilted her head curiously.
Professor Ellright twisted his brow with an expression of deep distaste‚ as if recalling some past traumatic experience.
“Because it is a special high-purity experimental drug‚ no humanitarian adjustments whatsoever have been made for the subject’s sense of taste……”
“……”
“In other words——”
The professor stared fixedly at the pale-blue glowing medicine.
“Biologically speaking‚ it is extremely disgusting.”
On my shoulder‚ Toto’s ears twitched slightly.
“For the world’s Ellright to go that far‚ huh. For future reference‚ I’d like to hear in numbers just how brain-bug-inducingly bad it is.”
“……Do you need comparative data?”
“Yeah‚ tell me.”
“Previously‚ an extremely outstanding senior examiner from our Magic Science Department swallowed just a single mouthful of this‚ and immediately afterward——‘After thrashing about on the floor like a caterpillar‚ he screamed while shedding tears and nosebleeds‚ “Never force me to drink such poison again!” and smashed through the wooden door of the laboratory as he fled.’”
“Hoh.”
“After that‚ he refused to speak a single word to me for a full three days.”
“Is that really just a problem with taste parameters? That’s gotta be actual poison or some kind of curse!”
Toto interjected in exasperation‚ but the living legend completely ignored it.
“However‚ the cellular activation via magic and the instantaneous magical power recovery effect alone are genuine‚ exactly as my calculations predicted.”
“——Then that alone is more than enough.”
Charlotte accepted the eerie glass bottle with her slender hands without the slightest hesitation.
“Hey‚ young lady.”
Toto hurriedly flapped his short front paws and called out.
“Are you really gonna drink that? My wild instincts are telling me that‚ causally speaking‚ that’s something you absolutely shouldn’t drink.”
“Yes‚ there is no problem.”
In Charlotte’s amber eyes‚ there was not even a single micron of clouded hesitation.
“In order to treat this critically wounded person right now‚ I absolutely require robust magical power at this moment.”
Click. The lid of the medicine bottle was twisted open by the young lady’s hand‚ which had lost its clothing.
——Gently.
In that instant‚ an otherworldly stench with such tremendous destructive power that it seemed to distort the very molecular structure of space exploded through the sealed atmosphere of the laboratory.
I interrupted the calculations of my retinas and involuntarily clamped both hands tightly over my nasal cavities.
“……This is in the realm of chemical weaponry.”
Thud‚ thud.
Right behind me‚ the two attendants who had been standing elegantly in wait‚ after inhaling just a single breath of that atmosphere‚ rolled their eyes back and collapsed cleanly onto the marble floor while maintaining their elite beautiful posture.
“Kyuiiii…… (This is bad‚ it’s a fundamental crisis of death as a living being……)”
Sensing the worst extinction with his instincts‚ Kamekichi executed an about-face without the slightest hesitation. Aiming for the farthest diagonal corner of the room‚ he moved his short legs with astonishing speed‚ pitter-patter‚ and began a desperate escape.
With only the information of the gas (the smell)‚ it had already completely exceeded the survivable range for humanity.
Charlotte stared at the medicine in her hand with fingers trembling slightly from a fear different from shame.
The professor said quietly‚ as if resigning himself.
“There’s no need to force yourself‚ young lady. Even if we wait for the medical team——”
“No‚ I refuse.”
Charlotte smiled quietly there.
Even while wrapped in only a single scrap of ragged cloth coated in the oily residue of reeking dried squid. That smile held an absolute dignity as a young lady of a distinguished noble house that no one could ever violate.
“——Upon the noble pride (noblesse oblige) flowing in my blood‚ I shall drink every last drop!!”
Without the slightest hesitation‚ all at once.
She brought the eerie glass bottle filled with pale-blue liquid to her beautiful lips.
“——Gulp.”
“……”
“……”
“……”
She drank every single drop without leaving a single one.
She slowly lowered the completely empty bottle.
Charlotte remained completely rigid and silent for about three seconds‚ like a statue from Greek mythology.
And then——.
From every pore of her body‚ cold sweat poured down like a waterfall‚ as if she had tasted the terror of death.
“…………”
From those amber eyes‚ large tears gradually welled up and overflowed.
“……Truly‚ Father……”
Her small white lips trembled and convulsed as if receiving an electric shock.
“——It is truly so disgusting that it feels like my brain’s neurons are burning out and I am dyinggggggggg!!! (It’s just pure poison!)”
Finally collapsing to the spot as if her kneecaps had shattered‚ the young lady of a distinguished house let out an unreasonable scream from her soul that seemed ready to tear through the ceiling of the Third Research Building.
On my shoulder‚ Toto could no longer hold back and clutched his short front paws to his stomach in a huge burst of laughter.
“Ahaha! This is bad‚ this is a seriously serious scene where I shouldn’t be laughing‚ but it went way beyond my imagination on a diagonal! Professor‚ this absolutely isn’t something a living human of this world should put in their mouth!”
“That’s why I strictly warned you from the beginning that it was biologically disgusting.”
“Your warning parameters have been multidimensionaly exceeded!”
I observed Charlotte’s complexion with extremely cold eyes as she slumped down.
Her cheeks were abnormally flushed from capillary dilation‚ and her eyes were full of tears. However‚ on the other hand——.
The waveforms of magical power detection rising from her delicate body into the surroundings had dramatically and‚ with cold certainty‚ recovered to their maximum value (max).
“——Charlotte-san.”
“……What is it…… hic…… the causality in my mouth is still bitter……”
“Your total magical power has completely returned to the state at the time of shipment (initial value).”
“That is…… so good it brings tears to my eyes……”
Charlotte roughly wiped away the large tears with the sleeve of her rags.
And then‚ before the cleric woman collapsed in the pool of blood on the floor‚ she quietly knelt with the solemnity of a saint.
“Well then——”
She quietly layered both hands over the painful wound on the chest. The slender fingertips that until moments ago had been trembling slightly from fear and the foul taste were now completely still without the slightest shake.
“Please excuse me for just a moment.”
From her slender palms‚ a pale magical light was born.
It was a light as white and soft as could be‚ as if enveloping the entire world in compassion. The noisy air of the laboratory was instantly wrapped in a sacred silence like that of a church chapel.
Charlotte’s extremely pure and clean magical power flowed smoothly from her fingertips into the deepest part of the wound. Into the torn wound. Into the rough cracks of the skin. Into the sites of cellular destruction that had forced such massive bleeding. Each time the white light touched them‚ precise geometric medical magic circles beautifully rose around the wound.
“……Healing formula‚ Phase One.”
Charlotte spun the chanting formula in a small yet powerful voice.
“Blood flow stabilization‚ cessation of causal flow.”
The light in her palms grew even stronger.
“Phase Two.”
The cells of the wound that had been on the verge of necrosis began to close smoothly‚ as if slowly rewinding the hands of time.
“Biological tissue‚ multidimensional recombination.”
The cleric woman who until moments ago had been in a coma with her breathing nearly stopped exhaled a faint‚ peaceful breath‚ as if released from all pain.
And Charlotte’s concentration did not waver.
“Phase Three——”
On her porcelain forehead‚ sparkling cold sweat like jewels appeared.
“Life support‚ stabilization of causality!”
The white magical light released from her slender palms swelled once‚ greatly‚ like a heartbeat.
——Gently.
Then it melted away gently into the cold underground space and vanished.
The injured areas of the critically wounded cleric had not reached complete cellular healing. However‚ the fatal bleeding that had threatened her life was completely sealed. Her irregular breathing had become much deeper and more stable than before. A slight color of blood had begun to return to her previously pure-white complexion.
“……”
I simply quietly observed the numerical results of that healing and nodded slightly.
“Truly masterful formula construction‚ Charlotte-san. A complete success in actual combat.”
“Yes…… somehow……”
Charlotte‚ breathing heavily with her shoulders rising and falling‚ peered at the peaceful sleeping face of the cleric lying on the floor.
“For now‚ I have completely sealed only the worst of the wounds.”
It was a voice as gentle as could be‚ not as the arrogant young lady of a distinguished house‚ but as an ordinary girl who had saved the life before her eyes.
“However‚ please do not think that this means your treatment is completely finished.”
She gently admonished the still-sleeping woman like a compassionate saint.
“In injuries containing the dense magical elements of the labyrinth‚ there is a danger that magical damage (noise) not visible from the surface of the body remains deeply. When the medical team arrives‚ be sure to receive a precise examination by a specialist.”
And then she quietly turned her gaze to the two women—the mage and the archer—who had been leaning close and shedding tears beside her.
“That includes you two as well.”
“Eh…… us too?”
“Just because there are no major external injuries on the surface does not mean the internal magical causality is unharmed.”
Charlotte looked straight into the eyes of the two.
“Be sure to receive an examination by a specialist together. This is an order.”
The female mage blinked her eyelashes slightly in surprise at the words of the young lady who was her savior. Eventually.
“……Yes‚ I understand.”
While tears spilled out one after another‚ she nodded deeply and slightly.
The female archer also said‚ “Truly…… truly‚ thank you so much……” and bowed her head deeply as if rubbing her forehead against the marble floor.
After confirming their safety‚ Charlotte finally exhaled a long breath‚ as if released from all the pressure.
“……With this‚ my role is finished.”
In that moment. From the depths of her body that had been stretched to the extreme‚ the extreme tension and mental fatigue seemed to drain away all at once.
“……I’m terribly exhausted now……”
——Thud.
With a powerless sound that hardly seemed befitting a young lady of a distinguished noble house‚ she once again slumped weakly onto the cold stone pavement.
“Young lady‚ you’ve really worked hard. Are you okay?”
Toto called out worriedly.
“Yes…… my body can still move……”
Charlotte slowly looked down at her own body. And then——she became aware of the “cursed remnants” of the labyrinth teleport return that still lingered vividly on her skin.
There was no need to deliberately bring her nose close. From her entire body itself‚ a far-too-intense smell of dried squid and dried cuttlefish oil was being released directly.
“…………”
Charlotte’s beautiful and refined face twitched with despair‚ making a sound as if cracking with a piki-piki.
“……I want to take a bath right away.”
Softly.
“Very much……”
Once‚ she closed her tired eyes as if to hide all her shame.
“Very much…… this unclean filth and the squid smell alone are completely beyond the mental limits of a young lady……”
Receiving those soul-deep sorrowful words. Behind the desk‚ Professor Ellright exhaled‚ releasing the tension from the shoulders of his white coat.
“In that case.”
The professor pointed to the heavily soundproofed wooden door further in the depths of the laboratory.
“Use my private bath.”
“……Eh‚ the professor’s…… private bath?”
“In the deepest part of this Third Research Building‚ there is a special bathing facility built exclusively for me. The university’s board chairman and academy head forced it through by embezzling part of the national budget‚ saying ‘For Professor Ellright‚ the national treasure of the kingdom‚ the finest spiritual healing is indispensable’…… but the design is wastefully luxurious‚ so it should more than suffice to soothe your thoroughly chilled fatigue.”
◇
Hearing that splendid decision‚ I couldn’t help but gaze at my mentor with deep respect.
“As expected of Professor Ellright!”
“……”
“That perfect timing in saving a young lady’s physical crisis! Truly magnificent‚ you understand!”
“Louise-kun.”
“Yes‚ what is it‚ Professor?”
“You‚ you see.”
The professor narrowed his eyes at me with a thoroughly chilled gaze.
“Stop coming into my laboratory’s private bath without permission and using it as a substitute for a public bathhouse in the secular world.”
“Eh?”
“You used it without permission last week as well‚ didn’t you?”
“Yes.”
“And the time before that.”
“Yes.”
“And the time before that as well.”
“Yes.”
Between the professor’s white eyebrows‚ even deeper wrinkles like spacetime cracks were etched.
“……Why is it that every time something happens‚ you boldly invade my sacred laboratory just to take a bath?”
I drove my brain cells just a little and stated an extremely rational and economical fact.
“The public bathhouses in the royal capital are surprisingly expensive per bath (in krones)!”
“…………”
The living legend said nothing more. He merely looked up at a stain on the ceiling with a face exhausted by all the multidimensional truths of the universe.
Toto muttered quietly in a voice full of melancholy from atop my shoulder.
“Professor…… I deeply understand the feelings of an old man. I’m stuck dealing with this one’s abnormally extreme stinginess parameters every day too‚ so a sense of unreasonable solidarity has been building up on a daily basis.”
“Professor‚ would you like to join us in our empirical experiment (mixed bathing)?”
“Just get those squid-reeking bodies warmed up as quickly as possible‚ even by a second!!”
“……? There’s no need to raise your blood pressure and get angry like that. It’s irrational.”
I tilted my head in complete seriousness at my mentor’s anger.
The professor sighed deeply‚ looking completely ground down mentally‚ and turned his gaze to the guest rest room attached next to the laboratory.
“By the way.”
“Yes?”
“What do you all plan to do from now on?”
The professor looked at the two—the mage and the archer—who had been leaning against the sofa. The two exchanged glances.
“We……”
The female mage answered quietly‚ as if resolving herself.
“Until the academy’s medical team arrives here‚ we will stay by our precious companion’s side.”
On the neighboring sofa‚ the cleric woman whose life had been sustained earlier by Charlotte’s magic continued her quiet‚ peaceful breathing.
“I see‚ that’s good.”
The professor nodded with the gentle gaze of a teacher.
“In that case‚ use the room right next to this laboratory.”
“Next door?”
“There is a highest-grade magical bed for guests arranged there. Lay her down there to rest.”
“Truly…… thank you so much……!”
The two carefully supported the critically injured cleric’s body and carried her to the next room while shedding tears of gratitude.
“——Now!”
After seeing that‚ I clapped my hands brightly with a pan.
“We too shall plunge into the long-awaited‚ earnestly desired supreme bath!”
“That’s right! The rose bath (bath) we’ve been waiting and waiting forrrrrrr!!!”
Charlotte’s cry of joy‚ once again discarding the pride of a young lady‚ echoed through the laboratory.
““Let’s hurry and go refresh ourselves!!””
The two attendants also showed a splendid harmony.
Toto‚ while exasperated‚ chuckled at this unreasonable everyday life. Even Kamekichi peeked out his green round face from the farthest diagonal corner of the room‚
“Kyui♪ (Let’s hurry and soak in the special warm water!)”
and raised a cry of bliss as a freeloading magical beast.
For the first time since miraculously returning from that utterly unreasonable dark hell known as the labyrinth.
We finally headed all together toward the luxurious bath facility attached to the professor’s laboratory‚ which had wastefully embezzled national budget funds‚ in order to dissolve the combat tension stagnating deep in our bodies and the intense dried squid smell into the supreme hot water.
The moment we opened the heavy soundproof wooden door leading further into the depths of the laboratory.
Gently‚ soft white steam carrying the finest heat and supreme aroma drifted around our entire bodies as if enveloping us.
“……Eh?”
The first to let out a vacant voice with the tension released was one of Charlotte’s attendant female students.
What spread before our eyes was by no means that inorganic and simple shower room set up in a corner of a general university research facility.
A spacious and beautiful floor meticulously constructed of pure white total marble. Pale jade-colored magical lamps were elegantly embedded in the walls in several places‚ and from the high ceiling free of condensation‚ soft steam slowly descended like a celestial maiden’s feather robe.
And in that sacred center. From a huge bathtub with overwhelming leeway‚ as if visited by royalty for summer retreats‚ clear amber-colored hot water continued to overflow quietly toward the floor with a kon-kon sound.
“Wh…… what is this scale on par with a royal palace……”
The other attendant looked up at the bathtub in a daze while still clutching the soiled rags.
“This is really a bath attached to a university laboratory…… right?”
“From the objective viewpoint of fluid dynamics as well‚ no matter how you try to excuse it‚ this is a highest-grade bath.”
I answered without hesitation.
“But rest assured. When I first borrowed (hacked) this place without permission‚ I uttered exactly the same words as all of you.”
“……Louise-san‚ you have been using this crystallization of the national budget without permission on a daily basis multiple times‚ haven’t you!?”
Charlotte glared at me with a twitching face.
“Yes‚ exactly so.”
“Why can you puff out your chest so magnificently and proudly in someone else’s—and an important professor’s—private facility!?”
“After all‚ the actual bathing fee and water bill are systematically completely free.”
“The reason is so secular and stingy that it’s the lowest as a human being!”
Charlotte’s scream-like retort echoed beautifully against the total marble walls.
However. Even that voice of indignation stopped dead in the next moment.
“……What a wonderful fragrance this is.”
The steam rising elegantly from the surface of the bathtub. There‚ a faintly sweet sensual aroma‚ neither exactly ancient medicinal herbs nor an expensive flower garden‚ was mixed in a meticulously calculated exquisite magical ratio. It was a quiet aroma that acted directly on the brain’s neurons‚ gently loosening little by little the muscles that had been hardened to the extreme during the long labyrinth ordeal‚ just by the smell alone.
“Professor Ellright……”
Charlotte stared for a while beyond the steam.
“……He is normally just an old man who only chews stomach medicine‚ but truly‚ he is an unfathomably amazing person.”
“Yes.”
I nodded deeply.
“Besides his main occupation of multidimensional magical research‚ even such secular labor and welfare facilities (baths) are abnormally high-spec and well-equipped.”
“I feel like I want to float in this bathtub for the rest of my life and settle here as a freeloader.”
Toto raised a voice of agreement from atop my head while sighing deeply.
Eventually. We all simultaneously discarded the squid-reeking dried squid rags that had barely covered our bodies and sank our bodies into the beautiful marble bathtub at the same time.
“Haaaa……!”
From Charlotte’s lips leaked the deepest sigh of her life so far‚ as if her soul had left her. Beside her‚ the two attendants also simultaneously soaked up to their shoulders in the supreme hot water and completely relaxed.
“……Every cell is coming back to life‚ fresh and vibrant……”
“Compared to that cold air of the labyrinth that whistled through the gaps in our clothes‚ this is as different as heaven and earth……”
I too quietly entrusted my delicate body to the buoyancy of the hot water.
Warm.
That was all it was.
Yet just that alone made me feel the tension of the death line (survival) that had been stagnating deep in my body for so long unravel cleanly in an instant.
The abyss of the fourth layer. The countless goblin forces. The raging explosions of the four elements. Kamekichi’s pinball attack.
And.
——The memory of the large quantity of high-grade undergarments that had vanished beyond the multidimensional as the merciless sacrifice of equivalent exchange.
The memories of the earlier battle flashed back one after another‚ vividly revived. I exhaled a small breath.
“……Truly‚ I’m exhausted to the marrow of my bones.”
“——And you’re the one saying that!?”
Charlotte turned around vigorously‚ sending up a splash of hot water.
“You mercilessly stripped everyone of all their high-grade clothing and remained the only one with a cool face on the front lines until the very end‚ didn’t you!?”
“Is that so? It’s not in the parameters of my memory.”
“It was there‚ it was very much there!”
“I am always a calm and collected scientist (mathematician). No matter what unforeseen physical situation I face‚ I simply do not show it in my expression.”
“That self-proclaimed mathematician used everyone’s entire fortune without leaving a scrap as fuel (offering) and unleashed a natural-disaster-level great magic with a smile on her face‚ didn’t she!?”
“To use academically accurate words‚ it is the cost (catalyst) of causality in multidimensional equivalent exchange.”
“Just the wording of the system is indecent‚ but the essence is exactly the same!”
In the total marble bath‚ Charlotte’s echoing shout rang out beautifully.
Seeing her looking so energetic‚ I allowed a small smile to form at the corners of my mouth.
Being close skin-to-skin like this with someone and soaking in the same supreme hot water made all the desperate events of moments ago feel as if they had been a distant bubble-like dream—it was mysterious.
In that underground cavern of the abyss. Probabilistically speaking‚ we might all have died quietly.
Yet——like this‚ we had returned safely alive to the surface.
The arrogant red-haired young lady. The pitiful two attendants. The critically injured adventurers. And me as well.
As if to confirm that unshakable objective fact‚ I stretched both arms out once in the hot water and took a big stretch.
“Nn……!”
My cute bone joints cracked small and pleasantly. I returned my body once more to the buoyancy of the warm bathtub and quietly opened my mouth.
“……Charlotte-san.”
“Yes‚ what is it?”
“——There is just one serious request from me personally‚ not as a scientist.”
Perhaps because that voice carried a slightly raw seriousness entirely different from my usual cold logical tone. Charlotte’s expression switched smoothly from that of an ignorant young lady of the world to the eyes of a wise magician.
“……What is it‚ so suddenly?”
“Regarding that peculiar equivalent exchange magic that I activated earlier on the battlefield using everyone’s assets.”
Beyond the flickering white steam. Charlotte’s amber eyes gazed straight at my defenseless face.
“……I want you never to speak of the series of events that occurred here today to anyone‚ even if heaven and earth are overturned.”
“……”
The two attendants also‚ at the extraordinary serious resonance I released‚ had somehow fallen silent and were listening carefully.
“That I can forcibly purge the clothing (undergarments) worn by myself or others connected to the shared network as multidimensional catalysts and convert them into the mass of national-treasure-class magic.”
I stared at the rippling surface of the hot water.
“Regarding the specifications of this extremely dishonorable and indecent ability‚ I would like to conceal it as a secret of the world for all eternity if possible.”
“Why is that? With power of that mythic-level magnitude‚ it wouldn’t be strange for you to be celebrated as a national hero‚ would it?”
“——Because it is extremely dangerous.”
I answered flatly‚ excluding all emotional parameters.
“It is not that the equivalent exchange formula itself becomes a threat to the world.”
I placed a heavy silence of one beat.
“The probabilistically worst problem is how the arrogant adults and those in power who learn of this excessively peculiar causality-altering specification will treat my existence as a ‘tool’ from now on.”
Royal Magic University. Cutting-edge magical research. The nation. The military. The intentions of the nobility. Huge research institutions.
If the full details of this probabilistic singularity (cheat) of equivalent exchange were to spread to the world.
Not my humanity itself‚ but only the “demonic formula that unleashes tactical-level great magic solely by the complete annihilation of clothing” residing in me would begin walking with abnormal and unreasonable value.
“A convenient peculiar magic is something that‚”
I muttered small toward the surface of the hot water.
“automatically generates an overwhelming majority of all sorts of people who want to flock to and use that sweet nectar‚ more than the ethical will of the one who holds it.”
Toto nodded his head small on the edge of the marble bathtub. Unusually‚ there was not a single mix of his usual vulgar teasing.
“That’s right. If such an unreasonable specification spreads to the important adults of the kingdom‚ Louise-han will without a doubt become a national guinea pig. For the rest of her life‚ she’ll be locked away for eternity in an underground secret facility‚ forced to fire maximum-power magic while matching in complete nakedness.”
“A national guinea pig…… completely naked around the clock……!?”
One of the attendant female students groaned small‚ her face pale with terror.
Kamekichi‚ while leisurely taking a breath with a puhā in the corner of the luxurious bathtub‚
“Kyui!”
cried sharply and briefly with his wild crisis detection ability.
(——This is way too bad! A super-dreadnought-class crisis alarm on a national scale is ringing nonstop at my comfortable parasitic destination (my home) where I never want to work my whole life!! If they start talking about government guinea pigs‚ the nation will be destroyed before my retirement life! It’s seriously scary……)
“See‚ Kamekichi-san also seems to agree one hundred percent probabilistically with my advanced risk management opinion.”
“How can you translate the cry of a mere turtle that can’t even communicate in language in such detail!?”
“What are you saying? He and I have extremely close soul magical wavelengths; we are partners who have shared a long history (timeline)‚ so to speak.”
“It hasn’t even been a full day since you met that suspicious creature‚ has it!?”
Charlotte deeply held her head in her hands amid the steam.
However. Eventually‚ she quietly raised her face from the total marble bathtub.
“……Even without you specifically giving me a cold warning‚”
In that hard voice‚ the tone of indignation from earlier had completely disappeared.
“I shall never speak of it to others‚ even if heaven and earth are overturned.”
They were eyes that held the noble pride of a young lady of a distinguished house‚ straightforward.
“If your undistorted intellect desires that‚ then I shall absolutely keep the secret no matter who the opponent is.”
And then she quietly turned to the two attendants waiting behind her.
“You two as well‚ your soul’s oath is the same‚ correct?”
“Of course‚ Charlotte-sama!”
“There is absolutely no chance of it leaking from our mouths!”
The two nodded powerfully at the same time‚ enough to splash the hot water vigorously.
“We had our lives‚ and for just a moment our absolute defense line as young ladies‚ saved by Louise-san.”
“Besides……”
One smiled a little shyly‚ her cheeks reddening amid the steam.
“Since we have split the bill (shared) a death line of this magnitude‚ we are already friends‚ aren’t we?”
“……Friends‚ is it?”
The moment I heard that non-logical word (parameter) that did not exist in my rational science-oriented brain. In the depths of my chest‚ a tiny warm discomfort that could not be solved by equations was born like a drop.
Friends.
I simulated just a little the clear definition of that secular word in my brain.
——However. From a probabilistic standpoint as well‚ it was by no means a bad resonance.
“……It is an honor beyond my station. Thank you.”
I smiled small toward them beyond the steam.
“Then‚ as a commemorative of having splendidly become meaningful friends‚ let us confirm just one more extremely important and administrative cash matter.”
“——Ha?”
I raised my supple upper body just a little from the total marble bathtub.
My wet left hand. On its middle finger‚ the dull silver modulation ring that glowed eerily. That national-secret-class magical tool that I had borrowed half-forcibly from Professor Ellright as an empirical experiment.
I coldly flowed a minute amount of magical power into the calculation core of that ring.
——Kin.
A clear small metallic driving sound resonated pleasantly in the underground bath. The next moment‚ a pale-blue magical hologram screen quietly floated up into the void right in front of Charlotte and the two attendants soaking in the hot water.
『 STATUS：LINK SYSTEM（Shared System） 』
『 Currently‚ the party internal equivalent exchange shared link is normally connected 』
Charlotte blinked her long eyelashes.
“……What in the world is this?”
“It is the management console screen for the catalyst shared link that I hastily constructed on the professor’s ring.”
“I understand that from the wording‚ but……”
In the center of the screen swaying in the steam‚ a single cold binary choice was displayed.
『 Completely cancel the registered equivalent exchange link (undergarment automatic deduction account)? 』
Below that string of characters‚ two options blinking.
［ YES ］
［ NO ］
“……”
“……”
“……”
A strange silence quietly fell over the supreme bathtub.
Charlotte stared fixedly at the light screen.
“This means……”
“It is the final cancellation confirmation from the system.”
“In summary?”
“Yes.”
I nodded with a straight face.
“If you tap ［ YES ］ on this screen‚ the shared registration of your magical catalysts (clothing assets) will officially vanish. You will be completely disconnected (logged out) from the network.”
“……”
Charlotte stared for a while at the blinking light.
“Please‚ press ［ YES ］ without hesitation. That way‚ in future multidimensional empirical experiments‚ there will no longer be any physical danger of me unreasonably stripping high-grade clothes or undergarments from you remotely——”
It was precisely the moment I made that extremely rational and conscientious suggestion.
“——No‚ there is no need for that.”
“……Eh?”
Charlotte gazed at the console screen. And then‚ tilting her beautiful face that had flushed from the hot water just a little in a troubled manner‚ yet smiling beautifully with a dignity of a young lady that no one could violate.
“This.”
She gently indicated the hologram in space with her white slender fingertip.
“Is it not a shared system so that when you fall into a desperate pinch on the next battlefield‚ we can save your life and our own lives by ‘offering our own clothing as fuel (cost)’?”
“……Certainly‚ as a specification of causality‚ that is correct‚ but.”
“In that case.”
Charlotte firmly shook her head side to side.
“There is nowhere a reason to coldly cancel the link with you‚ with whom I have only just become friends.”
“But is it truly all right? The loss of clothing is economically enormous‚ you know?”
“Besides……”
Charlotte averted her gaze just a little shyly toward the surface of the hot water below at an angle.
“……If I were to coldly cut this shared link right now‚”
Charlotte’s voice trembled just a little small and delicately beyond the steam.
“Even that mysterious relationship (parameter) formed with you at the bottom of the abyss seems as if it would cleanly fade and disappear…… and somehow‚ I find that unbearably unpleasant.”
“……”
I completely lost the next words and froze solid.
If it were pure mathematics. If it were the formulas of my specialty brain calculations‚ the optimal solution to derive would be extremely simple and clear. Immediately cancel unnecessary magical connections. Exclude in advance all risks of losing unnecessary clothing (assets). The structure of a program is more beautiful the simpler it is.
——However.
The complex and mysterious function known as human emotion.
Why is it so irrational and incalculable to this extent?
“Charlotte-san.”
“Yes‚ what is it‚ Louise-san?”
“This link is nothing more than a mere cold multidimensional magical hacking system.”
“I understand that.”
“There is not even a single micron of an emotional concept such as ‘friendship’ initially implemented in it. Objectively speaking‚ it is merely a forced shared account for clothing.”
“I understand that painfully as well‚ having experienced it firsthand.”
“Then——”
“Even so.”
Charlotte smiled gently amid the steam like a goddess accepting all unreasonableness.
“I do not wish to cut this special connection that was born between you and me of my own accord.”
And then.
Charlotte extended her white slender fingertip straight forward.
［ NO ］
She quietly pressed that blinking command character with her own deep compassion.
——Pip.
『 STATUS: LINK DISCONNECT / CANCELLED （Cancellation Cancelled）』
『 SYSTEM: The current shared state (undergarment automatic deduction setting) will be permanently maintained (held) 』
I simply froze and stared at the data screen in the void.
“……”
The two attendants also exchanged glances under the surface of the hot water.
“……I also will not approve.”
One tentatively yet with definite will extended her slender finger toward the screen.
“Louise-san is already a special friend with whom we have entrusted our lives and split the bill for social dignity.”
——Pip.
『 STATUS: LINK DISCONNECT / CANCELLED 』
“Please continue to take care of us from now on. Louise-san.”
The other also tapped the button while smiling shyly.
——Pip.
『 STATUS: LINK DISCONNECT / CANCELLED 』
The pale-blue magical strings of characters quietly melted into the void of the steam as if finishing their role and vanished.
I could no longer twist any sophistry.
I simply. In the supreme warm hot water‚ stared fixedly at my own wet left hand.
The dull glowing silver ring. Beyond its causality——before I knew it‚ the magical power waveforms (clothing inventories) of three young maidens were firmly connected like strong chains.
It was an extremely strange and first-time abstract sensation for me as a scientist.
As if. Into my own empty dark account (inventory)‚ three small yet supremely warm lights (assets) had increased forever——.
“……Truly‚ it is a mysterious sensation.”
I muttered while scooping up the amber-colored hot water with my slender fingertips.
“What is it‚ Louise-san?”
“I am extremely poor at reducing such non-logical relationship parameters into beautiful equations.”
“Fufu‚ there is no need to translate such things into equations one by one.”
Charlotte laughed elegantly while gently splashing the hot water.
“The concept of friends is originally something that cannot be divided so neatly.”
“……”
I calculated a little in my brain’s data bank.
“I see.”
And nodded in complete seriousness.
“As expected‚ it is an extremely irrational function with many uncertain elements.”
“You‚ that is the place where instead of reasoning‚ you should simply rejoice with a single word ‘I’m happy’!”
“However——”
I relaxed the corners of my mouth just a little and let my face soften.
“……I do not dislike it at all.”
At those clumsy words. Charlotte’s eyes widened for just a moment. And then.
“……Fufu‚ you really are not honest at all.”
She laughed small and affectionately.
“Then for today‚ that is fine.”
——Right beside the friendship drama of the girls unfolding beyond the steam.
Toto‚ leaning his body lazily against the edge of the total marble bathtub‚ wore a subtle and unsettling face as if he had witnessed the end of the world.
“……”
“What’s wrong‚ Toto‚ making a face like a dried plum daifuku.”
“Nah‚ me.”
Toto glared with narrowed eyes at the modulation ring glowing on my middle finger. And then pointed with his short front paw sharply at the void where the magical hologram console screen had vanished.
“This Ellright special-made hacking ring‚ see.”
“Yes.”
“Unless the other side formally taps approval for cancellation (YES)…… is it impossible system-wise for this side (Louise) to unilaterally force-disconnect (log out) the shared link with independent operations?”
“Yes‚ because the safety of causality is at work. It is an extremely robust security specification (program) that cannot be discarded without the complete agreement of both parties.”
“……”
Toto maintained a terrifying silence for several seconds——.
“That.”
“Yes?”
“As survival‚ it’s in a sense an irreversible fatal major bug.”
“Why is that? It’s a perfect barrier preventing unauthorized access.”
“You‚ listen! If the other side keeps saying ‘I absolutely won’t cancel (NO)‚’ then you can never cancel this inventory (undergarment account) for the rest of your life for your own convenience‚ right?”
“Probabilistically‚ that is the case.”
“Then it’s not a moving system link of friendship anymore—it’s a complete ‘cursed slave contract of asset seizure’ where once you’re caught‚ your panties will be forcibly purged for the rest of your life!!”
“……”
I looked anew at the dull silver ring on my middle finger.
Certainly‚ now that he mentioned it.
“I see. A legitimate forced collection vulnerability exploiting the system…… Toto’s point has extremely good reason.”
“Don’t get convinced and impressed!!”
Toto screamed while vigorously splashing the bathtub with a pasha-pasha.
Kamekichi at the edge of the bathtub‚
“Kyui…… (I’m dripping with cold sweat……)”
nodded deeply while trembling his short front legs.
(——These young ladies are bad news. They have the exact same mental structure (freeloader) as me. They’re fully intending to parasitically stick to this walking major disaster (the naked witch) Louise as a barrier for life and die together…… We’ll go down together‚ it’s scary……)
I thought just a little amid the pleasant buoyancy of the hot water. And then.
“Well‚ thinking probabilistically.”
I shrugged my wet shoulders.
“I have no plans to fall into physical pinches frequent enough to trigger complete naked purges (clothing disappearance) in everyday life‚ so substantial damage of even a single krone will not occur.”
“……”
Toto on my shoulder completely stopped all thought and froze solid.
“……Hey‚ me.”
“Yes‚ what is it‚ Toto?”
“Just now.”
Toto looked at my defenseless face slowly like a broken machine.
“You just cleanly stood at attention and raised a super-extra-large ‘complete naked major disaster flag’ of a level that will remain in human history.”
“Flag? What is that non-scientific concept?”
“Moreover‚ it’s the worst kind that announces the end of life‚ where in the middle of the royal capital in broad daylight‚ all the young ladies get involved and become completely stark naked all at once.”
Kamekichi at the edge of the bathtub‚
“Kyui…… (The cold sweat won’t stop…… next my absolute defense shell is going to be stripped by equivalent exchange……)”
nodded deeply while trembling his short front legs with a puru-puru.
The faint aroma steam quietly rose toward the darkness of the ceiling. At that time‚ I had not even retained the meaning of the ominous warning released by my familiar in the corner of my brain’s calculation resources.
Simply——only the silver modulation ring on my middle finger. On my left hand‚ for just a moment. As if baring its fangs even at its owner‚ it flashed eerily and pale-blue.
As if. Quietly announcing in the darkness the activation of some worst causality that was still not finished.
Eventually‚ after thoroughly warming our body temperatures in the supreme hot water‚ we reluctantly rose from the bathtub.
“……Now then.”
While wiping my body with a soft towel in the changing room‚ I suddenly recalled a task in my brain.
“Now that our skin is clean after getting out of the bath‚ shall we strictly divide the value of the items (assets) improperly acquired in the deep layers of the labyrinth this time according to rigorous equations?”
“……Ah.”
Toto shook his wet body with a buru-buru and turned around.
“Speaking of which‚ the spoils from that goblin lord’s hidden room.”
“Yes.”
“Normally‚ you’d take them to the appraisal window of the adventurers’ guild and have a professional appraiser look at them‚ otherwise you wouldn’t know the accurate market value (in krones)‚ right?”
“For proper secular adventurers‚ that is certainly so.”
I coldly stared at the silver ring glowing on the middle finger of my left hand. And then——I lifted the corners of my mouth just a little to the wicked angle peculiar to a mad scientist.
“But.”
I flowed magical power without stagnation into the hacking core of the ring.
——Kin.
Accompanied by an electronic driving sound‚ the pale-blue magical hologram screen once again arrogantly (gōzen) popped up and expanded into the post-bath changing room.
“This Professor Ellright’s ring‚ see.”
I floated a full business smile and operated the light screen.
“I put in a little improvement (backdoor expansion code) with my own hands so that it can also connect externally (hack) from behind to the official net auction system of the adventurers’ guild. With this‚ we can sell them directly at the highest prices to the connoisseurs of the royal capital without the guild taking unnecessary intermediate margins!”
“…………”
Toto slowly narrowed his pure red eyes to the limit.
“……Hey‚ Louise.”
“Yes‚ what is it?”
“That ‘shared link’…… you……”
“Yes.”
“Wasn’t it just the path (share) for equivalent exchange that automatically deducts the young ladies’ undergarments!! Why did you also arbitrarily piggyback and connect a money-laundering communication line (peer-to-peer) for illegally hacking the guild’s highest security from behind!!!”
In the quiet changing room of the special bath. Toto’s soul-deep unreasonable scream once again echoed hollowly and violently.
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